Leave Football Alone.

I’ve been observing marketing and advertising trends for some time now (4 days to be precise), and I see some unusual partnerships emerging – the fascinating relationship between Bollywood and cricket being the most notable among them. It can be best described as a marriage of convenience, where the two parties involved have fuckall in common, yet they put up with each other for some common gain. Bollywood and its cluster of odious pricks couldn’t be bothered with the number of off-spinners in the Indian squad, and cricketers wouldn’t give a shit about the existential themes in Bodyguard, but still they are well aware that each can suck a lot of publicity piggybacking on the other’s successes. It’s free advertising for both partners: IPL ticket sales are certainly boosted with the celeb quotient in the stands; elsewhere Shahid Kapoor and Viveik Oberoi are spotted jerking off and yelling “Sachin, Sachin (fap, fap, fap)” when their movie is scheduled to come out the following week. See how that works?

But now, herein lies the catch. What does one partner do when the other is not doing so well? Makes no sense cheering for the Indian team when they are getting bent over in England, does it? What does a poor celeb do in such a scenario? Simple: engage in adultery till the slacking partner picks up. That is, choose another sport that’s doing well and start raving about your ‘support’ till you get noticed.

So it didn’t come as a surprise when Ranbir Kapoor recently announced that he was a Barca fan in this video. He tries so hard to sound convincing that you might die a little inside after hearing him speak. Here are some of his choice pearls of bullshit:

The way they play football, the way they bring up players…

Oh yes definitely. Check out this inspirational video. The ‘bringing up’ makes a lot of sense considering how easily they go down.

They have a lot of charity endeavours which help so many people

Awesome. Ranbir Kapoor supports Barca for their charity endeavours. For fuck’s sake, who the hell supports a football club for its charity endeavours? That’s like supporting Red Cross for their attacking football or Helpage India for their defensive discipline.

I’ve always been a fan of Barcelona since I think 19… uh early nineties.

O rly? Then why was he was spotted at the Nou Camp only in 2011? Did it take him 20 years to find Spain on the fucking map? Didn’t seem to have any problem finding Wankhede for the cricket final though, did he?

I’m guessing Ranbir won’t be the last celeb to go the football way. A couple more flop-shows from the Indian cricket team and most of the Bollywoodies would be taking a leaf out of Ranbir’s ass and popping up at football games. I long to see the day when Tusshar Kapoor and Shahrukh Khan turn up at Anfield and wave those “4 Reliance” placards around, or watch Salman Khan getting into a fight with Tevez and Balotelli and thrashing the Etihad stadium, or hear Riteish Deshmukh claim that Villas-Boas is his dad’s cousin. Until then, I’ll content myself with the Ranbir story in pictures. Forza Barza \m/.

2 responses to “Leave Football Alone.

  1. man than was hilarious…

  2. too good!!!

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