Monthly Archives: November 2008

Announcement.

You guys! You guys!! Did you hear? DID YOU HEAR?!!!

Oh my God, oh my God, I’m so freaking excited!! The minute I read this news I went abso-fucking-lutely hysterical with hysteria!! Do I sound like a 9 year old girl high on sugar and just about to show her friends her new Barbie and Ken collection? I’ll be damned if I care! Aargh, my head is on fire!

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I present you this:

Lo and behold!

The wait has begun. I’m crossing out the dates on my calendar like an imprisoned maniac dying to get out. Ok now breathe. Relax. Valium. Just 83 more days to go.

Ready to scream again?

Theatres Scare Me.

This is a tribute to the precious minutes that ticked by in a dingy little theatre in Cochin. To the precious 50 bucks that lost their way somewhere. To the poor hair that got ripped right out of the scalp. And to my dearest friend Shaheed Pinkesh Ramnikbhai Patel, who died right next to me while watching Mission Istanbul. You continue to inspire me, motivate me and keep me alive through all the shitty movies, mate…

Hello folks!
Before I begin, I would like to request your patience for this post as it is laden with images. Assuming that you have a lame 64 KBPS connection, it would take about a week for all the images to download. I hope it’s worth your time when the page finally loads. Don’t send me hate mail if it isn’t.

Please don’t scroll down already. You’ll only see a bunch of grey boxes if you do.

I know that you ignored my suggestion and scrolled anyway, only to find the aforementioned grey boxes. If only you guys listened…sigh.

Now, what do I do to keep your attention from meandering again? Let me think. Oh yes. The best possible solution at the moment seems to be the one which will engage the reader in reading long sentences which have no meaning, provide no useful infromation or serve no purpose other than keeping their itchy fingers from scrolling again, only to find those damned grey boxes. There! I think the page has loaded. Scroll away!

MOVIES WITH THE IQ OF A 007 YEAR OLD?

Daniel Craig in Casino Royale :

Bond. James Bond. Boring James Bond. Stupid Boring James Bond.

Bond. James Bond. Boring James Bond. Stupid Boring James Bond.

Daniel Craig in Quantum of Solace :

Hold Me, Kiss Me, Thrill me, Kill Me. And Bribe Me.

Hold Me, Kiss Me, Thrill me, Kill Me. And Bribe Me.

Now, now, now… before all you Bond-crazy ladies pick up your pointy-heeled shoes and aim at my forehead, just hear me out. With all due respect to Mr. Bond and Mr. Late Pout Minister, I couldn’t help but notice the uncanny similarity between them. Don’t believe me? Take a closer look at their facial structure. I’ll be damned if you can’t make out the obvious resemblance.

*is hit by 5 dozen pointy-heeled shoes*
Owwwwchh! That hurt, damn you!

Abhishek Bachchan and his sexuality.

Abhishek Bachchan is one of my favourite actors. He’s talented and witty, but I guess he’s not too sure which way he’s swinging, if you know what I mean. Seemingly, he loves to *experiment* more than a NASA scientist on performance enhancing drugs. Let me explain.

As a homosexual in Dostana :

Utterly butt-erly delicious!

Utterly butt-erly delicious!

He was just ‘pretending’ to be a homosexual in the movie, eh? Yeah, right. Veeerrrry convincing. The deleted scenes will make it to Youtube in a few days time.

As a bisexual in Dhoom 2 :

This is better than the Hrithik-Ash kiss.

This is better than the Hrithik-Ash kiss.

But he wasn’t a bisexual in the movie, you fool!”, you tell me. Oh really? Then would be so kind enough to explain this:

  1. Observe the image carefully. Notice the way they are looking into each other’s eyes while delicately fingering their respective glasses (phallic symbolism?). Notice the flames licking their hands (wild, forbidden desires raging within?). I don’t know, I’m just saying.
  2. If I remember correctly, AB’s character’s wife (Rimi Sen) is shown to be pregnant in the movie. But still, hubby dearest is busy running after topless men. Why?
  3. Still need conclusive proof to support this theory? Ok, here goes : recall the climax of the movie. You know, when Hrithik jumps off the cliff. Now be honest to God when you answer this – what kind of a man would jump off a freaking cliff (without a parachute!) just to hug another man from behind? I mean Abhishek doesn’t even arrest him in the end anyway. So if he had no intentions of catching the bad guy, then what did he really intend to catch?
  4. To further intensify this conspiracy theory, Aishwarya shoots Hrithik in the end. Is this a reference to their real life relationship? Think about it. Quite clearly, everything’s NOT OK in paradise.

Cold, cold logic. *evil grin*

As a transsexual in Drona :

Kahin duur kisi saari ke saaye mein...Traannaaa..

Kahin duur kisi saari ke saaye mein... Traannaaa..

This is an easy one… the gorgeous hairstyle and the beautiful evening gown that he’s wearing give it away. Cho chweet tranny-nanny he is!

As an asexual currency-humping crackpot in Guru :

Make money, not love.

Make money, not love.

He prefers cash to Ash’s ass. I think Ash pretty much ruined her chances when she called him Gurubhai.
Not much dhoom-dhadaka in the bedroom now, is there?

Priyanka Chopra, I bow to thee.

As an ugly weird ridiculous freak show in LameStory 2050

When it comes to hair colour, I'm very retarded.

When it comes to hair colour, I'm very retarded.

As an ugly weird ridiculous freak show in Drona

Who the fuck designs my costumes anyway?!

Who the fuck designs my costumes anyway?!

As an ugly weird ridiculous freak show in Chamku


Chamku - my domestic help.

Chamku - my domestic help.

Rani Mukherji – An inslut to acting?

Rani Mukherji as a filthy call girl in Lagaa Chunri Mein Daag :

Lagaa re! Lagaa re!

Lagaa re! Lagaa re!

I hope she washed the ‘daag’ afterwards. Or does she like it dirty? Hee hee hee.;)

Rani Mukherji as a horny slut in the ‘blue movie’, Sawariyaa :

Gulabji by any other name would cost 1000 an hour!

Gulabji by any other name would cost 1000 an hour!

I don’t really feel like commenting on this one. Sigh.

Rani Mukherji as a trippy whore in Thoda Pyaar, Thoda Magik :

Hello kids!

The Indian Micheal Jackson. I sound like him too.

Any woman who comes cycling down a rainbow wearing a dress like that and that too only for the purpose of touching little kids cannot claim to be an angel. Her track record in such roles doesn’t help either.

Just look at her smile. Evil, corrupted, sick, twisted, maniacal, immoral, wicked smile. Our kids are not safe anymore. I don’t have kids, so I don’t care.

BEST “SUPPORTING” ROLE

Minissha Lamba’s boobs in Kidnap :

The Indus valley civilization originated in my cleavage!

The Indus valley civilization originated in my cleavage!

Bra-vo, Minissha, bra-vo! You really deserve a big hand! A mammorable performance! A fantastic booby trap for the audience! Tit for tat! We are no longer bust bosom buddies! Honky tonk woman! I have run out of breast-related puns!

Wow, it feels nice to get it off my chest. (no pun.. uhh nevermind.)

IN THE MEMORY OF MY LATE FRIEND…

Mission Istanbul-lshit – Darr ke aage jeet ke aage slow death hai :

Istanbullshit!

Istanbullshit!

This was nothing more than a 3 hour Mountain Dew commercial. Even the tagline is “Darr ke aage jeet hai.” Sheesh… what shameless, imagination-less bastards!

The icing on this dung-cake was Viveik Oberoi – the dumbass kept appearing and disappearing throughout the movie like it was some freaking Jadugaar K. Laal Magic Show. Somebody pension him off already.

FYI, this film has been officially banned in Istanbul. Istanbul’s mayor was extremely embarrassed and denied any connection with the movie. “Kill-a that bastardh, don’t a make no movie again!”, he was heard saying.

Note to self : No fooling around with Karzzzz in this post. Enough already.

Ciao peoples, I’m off to watch Golmaal Returns.

Discovering God’s Own Country : Kerala.

This page may meet Wikiphilia’s criteria for speedy deletion as an article or other page which is unsalvageably incoherent with no meaningful content or history; it is patent nonsense for the following reason:

Ethu mattiyillengil nyaan avide vannittu arivalu kondu ninte thala vetti mattum – WikiAdmin.

If you created this page and you disagree with its proposed speedy deletion, please add:

{{wtf u sukczz}}

Introduction

Kerala is a state in the Indian Union [citation needed?] located at the southern part of the Indian peninsula. It is bordered on the north by Karnataka, south and east by Tamil Nadu, west by the Arabian Sea, and the middle by a peculiar species of human beings [citation definitely needed]. The principal spoken language is Malayalam, though other languages are also spoken, but generally never responded to.

Wiki says :

Social and educational reforms enacted in the late 19th century by Cochin and Travancore were expanded upon by post-independence governments, making Kerala one of the most literate, healthiest, and gender-equitable regions in India. Kerala has one of the most advanced educational systems in India. Unlike the other Indian states, Kerala’s basic human development indices are roughly equivalent to those in the developed world, and the state is substantially more environmentally sustainable than Europe and North America. A survey conducted in 2005 by Transparency International ranked Kerala as the least corrupt state in the country.

Wiki,  however, also adds :

Nevertheless, Kerala’s suicide, alcoholism, and unemployment rates rank among India’s highest.

Word.

History

Legend has it that Vasco Da Gama, a Portuguese football scout working for Real Madrid, once set out to scour the world for talent to add to the never-ending list of El Careeros Ruinos Galácticos (through shady, underhanded transfer deals of course). Da Gama’s initial destination was England, but his GPS enabled iPhone screwed up as expected, leading him to the port of Calicut instead. There, he chanced upon a meeting with a famous football coach and ex-Thrissur United player, Mahabali. Da Gama allegedly presented Mahabali with a surreptitious scheme to lure players from their current clubs. An out-of-work Mahabali agreed to help him out in his evil quest to seek-and-destroy potential talent for a small fee of a few million dollars.

The duo ran into trouble, however, when the Dutch media caught a whiff of the entire issue and exposed the fraud. The situation got worse; words were exchanged, fists flew, Da Gama staged a dive and shamelessly pointed towards Mahabali. Needless to say, Mahabali was shown the red card and sent off from the country. Evil Da Gama had succeeded in stepping over Mahabali’s reputation with his golden Nikes. (Double pun not intended)

Years later, a viral Youtube video started circulating on the net, conclusively proving that Da Gama had dived. But it was a little too late by then. As a consolation, the locals decided to name an entire city after the wronged coach… and they named it Coachin’ (past day Cochin, present day Kochi).

The issue is still pending with FIFA.

Geography

Let’s not even go there. I can’t type the names without fracturing my fingers, you can’t pronounce the names without fracturing your tongue. It’s a pretty fair deal, from a NPOV.

[This section is a stub. Help by spamming the comment section]

Language

Kerala, much like Tamil Nadu, is a Hindi-capped state. That is, people are linguistically disabled in Hindi. A query in Hindi will return a 404 file not found error, or at least a string of abuses in Malayalam or probably Tamil. [citationum venda]

Flora and Fauna
Flora Mary Thomas and Fauna Vadakkedathusubramaniumcannotfitanymorecharacters are my colleagues. They work in the finance department.

Climate

Kerala has a tropical climate and is usually wetter than Minisha Lamba’s negligee under a waterfall for 364 days a year.[Images, videos and some lone time needed]

Temperatures soar to 40-45 degree celsius in the summer, but that’s only due to the collective anger of the communists here. Although the weather is mostly controlled by Mother Nature, communists have been fighting to get the Union to decide what the summer temperatures should be. [Bandh needed]

Sources claim that one such summer night inspired the lyrics of Tandoori Nights. This is logically correct as it explains why the singer sounds as if he’s being boiled in coconut oil.

Food

Kerala adopts all the principles of sadism and masochism while cooking food. The scrumptious feast of a cuisine, also known as sadhya (Malayalam:banquet), typically resembles the following image:

Kerala

As featured in Fear Factor : Kerala

You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself hospitalized after consuming the said banquet. But why so nauseous, son? Let’s put some sambhar on that riccceeee! Hoo ha ha ha ha ha!

[Food not needed][This section could cause controversies and is up for deletion]

Politics

Give me Red. [Che Guevara T-shirts needed][7]

Union’s anthem:

Come on you Reds, come on you Reds
Just keep your bottles and lose your heads
Throughout the year we’ll let them know
Who Karl Marx is, here we go (on a bandh)!

Culture
Kerala is renowned for its famous dance form known as Kathakali. It involves intricate make-up, complex facial expressions and gestures, elaborate costumes and some great background music.
A Kathakali performer in traditional attire :
We are tonight's yentertainmentu!

We are tonight's yendertainmentu!

Beliefs

According to a popular belief amongst Keralites, anyone belonging to a state that is not Kerala or Tamil Nadu, is a “North Indian”.

As per this belief, people from Karnataka, Maharashtra and China are “North Indians”. This apparent geographical disambiguation is probably due to the usage of a faulty instrument known as Jack Sparrow’s South Indian Compass, which has only two directions – South and North Indian.

Yo ho ho and another nariyal paani!

Drink up me Southies, ay yay yo!

For this mindblowing assumption, the Indian Government has nominated Kerala and Tamil Nadu for the Ferdinand Magellan Award for Geographical Excellence.

In a related incident, a clever man named Vipin Gopal came up with a catchy slogan for promoting Kerala tourism.  He was instantly hailed a Geographical Genius for the following reasons:

  • The slogan was lifted from this site.
  • Kerala is not a country.
People

Men:

Malayali men, much like their Tamilian counterparts, are very friendly and cheerful people. That is until you don’t

  • mention a word about being “North Indian”.
  • compare and contrast South Indian moviestars with BMC workers, sweepers, chai vendors or your housing society’s watchman.
  • talk in Hindi.
  • compare and contrast Malayalam with Vogon poetry.

Excerpts from a conversation:

APR, who resembles a rogue elephant that has escaped from the Periyar Sanctuary, joins the author for lunch.

APR (name abbreviated to avoid buffer overflow error) : So how you like Kerala food-aa?

Me : Not too many options for us vegeterians…

APR : What’s there in veggu? Here, you can have what I’m having.

Me : But that’s beef boiled in coconut oil and garnished with shredded lamb and fish! Served with pig blood, of course.

APR : Delicious, isn’t it?

Me : No.

APR : Holy cow-aa! You don’t eat beefu? How you will improve da?

Me : Quite frankly sir, I think you are ignoring the cholestrolu and the triglyceridesum that could give you a superaa heart attackangil.

APR : Chumma you saying only. This just blasphemy, da.This just madnessu.

Me: Blasphemy aa? Madnessuu? THIS IS NOT A PARAATHAAAAAAAAAA….!

A lot of Malayali men wear traditional clothing called a mundu or a lungi. Refer this FANTASTIC ARTICLE for more. [That seriously made the author go omfgroflolwtfbbq?]

Women:

All women have similar two-strand-hold-all hairstyle and similar sounding names like Jinu, Tinu, Sinu, Ninu. Geetha, Seetha, Preetha, Neetha. Sosakutty, Joyakutty, Ammukutty, Extremekutty. Jhanya, Dhanya, Enya, Nemanja, Espanya. Riju, Liju, Siju, Jiju, Viju and Iminruinsjustlikemachupicchu.

The author shudders and breaks into cold sweat as he recounts the horror of his days in Kerala. Vivid memories of his testicles screaming in terror at the sight of XXXXL Ammas comin’ at him in a 4-3-3 attack-minded formation leave him sleepless on many a night. Quite unlike the pretty *North Indian* models in Joyalukka ads.

A significant, but disturbing tradition followed by most of the women is growing facial hair.

This has come as a culture shock to the unsuspecting author. [Gillette’s close shave needed]

Baal baal dekho!

Baal baal dekho!

Famous personalities from Kerala

The God of Small Things is actually from God’s Own Country. Arundhati Roy, the well known Fab India clothing model, social activist and Booker Prize winning writer, is from Kerala. 

Famous painter Raja Ravi Varma hails from Kerala. His most prominent works include Swarbat Hero -2, Jatayu, a bird in danger, Shakuntala Sending a Love E-mail to King Dushyanta and A Debo-Nair Woman
 

Not a Raja Ravi Verma painting.
Not a Raja Ravi Verma painting.

Anju Bobby George, the talented athlete who won a medal at World Championships in Athletics clearing 6.70 m and a silver medal at the IAAF World Athletics Final in 2005, was born here. Sources say that she discovered her talent at a very early age while trying to jump out of Kerala. Unfortunately, she landed in Tamil Nadu which made her realize that Kerala was, in fact, much much better.

Mata Amrideviamrisomethingwhatshername is also from Kerala. You know, the lady who hugs people and smiles for no apparent reason. Boy, am I in trouble or what?!

Sports

Bus and auto drivers in Kerala are complete F1 fanatics. As a tribute to their long-standing heroes Sir Micheal Schumacher and Evil Knievel, they routinely drive their respective vehicles with the passionate enthusiasm of a Jehadi on high-quality crack. This is also a part of the “Annual Kerala Roadkill” contest which pits the drivers against each other for the Grand Killing (s)Prix. The driver with the most kills at the end of the season is presented the prestigious and coveted “Salman Khan Pedestrian Elimination Puraskar”, along with a Landcruiser (brakes not included, bail money included).

See also

Similar places:

Place Ooru
 
Place Rendu

Place Moonu

Please, please note

  • Be polite.
  • Assume good humour. This is supposed to be a light-hearted take on Wiki:Kerala.
  • No personal attacks.
  • Be welcoming.
  • Visit Kerala at least once in your lifetime. The entrance has the words “DON’T PANIC” written in large, friendly Malayalam letters.

The Global Economic Crisis : A Study. No, Really.

As the year draws to a close and a new year is about to be ushered in, things don’t seem quite so rosy. You have no money. Your lifestyle has undergone drastic changes. Your dreams of buying Cuban cigars have gone up in smoke. Your fantasy of finally buying that BMW and running over pavement dwellers has been brutally run over. You can’t even fix a stupid magnet quench occuring inside a Large Hadron Collider. All because of sub-prime crisis and its after effects.

The global financial situation is rapidly approaching a very difficult turning point, originating from North America, spreading through the UK, increasingly in Europe and many parts of Asia. Australia also makes it to the list of affected continents. And even though Africa doesn’t have an economy, South America is interested only in this and that, and Antarctica has nothing but penguins with ‘frozen’ assets, it would be nice to mention them to intensify this paragraph and give it a ‘world citizen’ feel. On a more serious note, the crisis seems to have circulated throughout the world faster than a wardrobe malfunction video.

But I feel there’s no need to panic yet. There has to be a way out of this. I’m sure someone is working on it by now. So until they come up with the solution, let’s lull ourselves into a false sense of security by pretending to analyze and contemplate over the entire issue.

I strongly recommend that you wear a business suit, grow a goatee, fiddle with your gold rimmed glasses and put on a really serious face while reading this. Don’t forget to stroke your chin, look towards the ceiling and nod frequently to give the impression that you’ve thoroughly understood the gravity of the issue. That way, we can at least look the part.

The following is a detailed analysis of the current market situation, tips and tricks, and predictions for what lies ahead. For the benefit of readers who are not well versed with financial terminology and jargon, the author will be explaining everything in layman’s (or is it Lehman’s?) terms.

(Also, the author might be a complete sucker at finance related matters, but that’s not important. What’s important is that you’ve lost your money and you’re desperate for advice.)

So, what should one do when the markets are taking a dive just like Chelsea players in a synchronized diving sequence? Here goes:

A summary of the sub-prime crisis presented in an easy-to-understand format.

Our world is in peril! Gaia, the spirit of the earth, can no longer stand the terrible financial losses plaguing our planet. She selects 5 special young people who are the root cause of the problem – Kwame from Africa, with the power of Earth (real estate). From North America, Wheeler, with the power of Fire (burning cash). From the Soviet Union, Linka, with the power of Wind (blowing market rumours). From Asia, Gi, with the power of Water (liquidity). And from South America, Ma-ti with the power of Heart (less greed). When the 5 powers combine, they summon Earth’s greatest bankrupt champion, Captain Pauper!

Go Pauper!”

Everybody sing along:

Stocks! *dit dit dish*

Cash! *dit dit dish*

Rumours! Housing! Fraud! Go Pauper!

By your powers combined, I am Captain Pauper!

Captain Pauper, he’s a hero,

Gonna take company capital down to zero!

He’s our mistakes magnified, and he’s slipping down the credit slide!

Captain Pauper, he’s a hero,

Gonna take asset value down to zero!

Gonna help him put asunder,

CEOs who like to loot and plunder!

[menacing voice] “Who’ll pay your loans Captain Pauper?”

“We’re the Marketeers, you can be one too, but saving our currency is the thing to do!

Investing and risking, is not the way, hear what Captain Pauper has to say…”

The money is YOURS! (Well, not anymore.)”

[The original childhood classic here:

Intro

Outro ]

Chapter 11: Tips and tricks on how to avoid a financial mess.

Liquidity

So if there is one lesson that investors should take away from this, it is probably not to be too brave at the current time, but to focus on fairly safe investments, focus on having a decent level of cash and liquidity in their own mix of personal assets.

AVINASH PERSAUD: CHAIRMAN, INTELLIGENCE CAPITAL

I think the crisis is evolving over time. The beginning of the crisis was a liquidity problem. People were so uncertain, no one wanted to lend to anyone. We had banks who had assets but they could not get anyone to buy them.

Now we are moving away from a liquidity problem – which can be solved by central bankers – to a credit problem. People have got assets which have fallen in value and they are not going to recover in value.

GEORGE MAGNUS: SENIOR ECONOMIC ADVISER, UBS

As you can see, everyone is repeatedly mentioning about “liquidity”. What the sub-prime fuck is this liquidity, you may ask. Good question. Quite simply put, these finance “gyu-rus” are referring to the amount of fluid intake as a part of your daily diet. When Avinash talks about “decent level of cash and liquidity in their own mix “, all he wants to say is that you should spend a decent amount of cash to maintain a healthy level of liquids in your body. This is crucial because most of the investors start sweating heavily when the markets crash, and it could lead to loss of vital minerals.

Author’s Pro Tip: Drink at least 15 – 20 glasses of water everyday. If possible, eat fruits after buying shares. That way, you’ll at least have your health in mint condition. And health is wealth.

By Transitive Property

Water and fruits = health …(1)

Health = wealth …(2)

Therefore, water and fruits = wealth. (From (1) and (2))

Thus, you’ll improve your wealth. Hence proved.

Extravagant Spending

And it’s not all about iPhones. Of course, there will always be a small minority who have acted irresponsibly, but most consumers have simply borrowed to give their families a roof over their heads at a time of rising property prices.

ANDREW MOSS: CEO, AVIVA PLC

Among its many shortcomings, iPhone’s biggest glitch remained undiscovered till the markets crashed. It was found that iPhone owners were so engrossed in understanding the retarded functionality of their phones, that they failed to keep up with the market trends. As a result, those who took a bite off the Apple, also got a bite of dust free of cost.

Author’s Pro Tip: Do not buy the evil iPhone. If you find an iPhone nearby, do not look at it for more than 5 seconds. However, if you’re hell bent on buying one, make sure you buy it on loan at a 750% interest rate. And download some cool songs too.

Foresight

Governments and central banks and their policies or oversights were the causes.

Without realising this distinction, we will learn the wrong lessons, devise inappropriate solutions, and maybe end up with another financial mess all too soon after this one is cleared up.

GEORGE MAGNUS: SENIOR ECONOMIC ADVISER, UBS

Now did you realize where you went wrong? Of course you did. You don’t have a foresight!

Author’s Pro Tip: Develop a foresight. Learn clairvoyance. Consult your crystal ball (hey not that!) before investing. Use your Spidy sense to track down falling share prices.
It’s not that difficult if you put your mind to it.

Literacy

Financial literacy also needs to improve – it is not taught in schools and it can not be learned from the previous generation because they have no experience of this global environment.

ANDREW MOSS: CEO, AVIVA PLC

Simply being literate won’t save you. You have to know a little about finance… at least the basic stuff – numbers, terms, risks, payoffs etc.

Author’s Pro Tip: Read Economic Times. It’s a slightly discoloured paper that never sells out from the news stands. It is a great source of information about … well, economy.

ET will furnish you with all the data that will help you in saving and multiplying your money.

Also, it sometimes carries those Big Bazaar discount coupons, so you’ll end up saving this way at least.

Strategy Games

Economic depression cannot be cured by legislative action or executive pronouncement. Economic wounds must be healed by the action of the cells of the economic body – the producers and consumers themselves. How? Play Monopoly, gadheda!

JIGNESH KANTILAL BARODIA : WORLD BENK’S CHIEF ECONOMIC ADVISOR.

Author’s Pro Tip: When the times are tough and you’re flat broke, there’s nothing better to cheer up your family than a good game of Monopoly. Please note that the money you make here is not real, and this is just a way of deluding yourself from the harsh reality that’s staring you in the face. Aww, come on, cheer up! Your Community Chest card says “Grand Opera Night – collect $50 from every player for opening night seats”

Parker Brothers hit pay dirt with this classic board game, while the Lehman Brothers hit dirt in its real-life version. So sad.

It’s Just a Phase

Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain. Whoa whoaooo whooaaaooo whoaaooooooo.

AXL ROSE : GUNS ‘N BULLS ‘N ROSES ‘N BEARS

Author’s Pro Tip: This is just a temporary phase and definitely won’t last long. Like the time you were 14 and you discovered something different about your body and then… uhh… well, it’s temporary.

By the way, the Mayans have predicted the end of the Earth in 2012, so we are absolutely sure that it can’t last for more than 4 years. Guess what me lads? We got away with it!

The Final Word

Don’t go by the hype; it’s mostly just nonsense. Nothing could get any worse than it is right now. Seriously, what’s the worst thing that could happen?

Well, there’s this one little thing that comes to mind:

Imagine…

What would happen if all the banks went bankrupt one-by-one? Countries would be left with zero currency. With no currency, people would be forced to adopt the barter-system again. But that won’t work. The countries would have to borrow money from somewhere. But with all the banks gone bust, who will lend them the capital? Ah, how can we forget the “Lender of Last Resort”, International Monetary Fund (IMF)? Of course they’ll bail out all the countries at a tiny interest rate.

Now..

What if majority of the countries fail to repay their loans? The IMF cannot sell the countries as nobody would have enough money to buy them. So in the end, IMF, the last resort lender finds itself under a motherload of debt and ownership of countries it can’t sell! And inevitably, the IMF will go bust too.

Think…

If all the countries are left with zilch and the last resort lender itself has gone bust, that means the entire Earth has gone kaput! There seems to be only one possible way out of this : lending from another planet in the solar system (how about Saturn? It has a lot of bling-bling around it). Saturn will be more than happy to oblige, and it will probably plan on buying some more rings with the interest money.

But wait…

What if Earth can’t pay? Now Saturn is left with an entire planet that nobody’s willing to buy! Good God! The entire Milky Way would become nanga!

So what next? Uhh, Andromeda Galaxy is just a few light years away, and I’ve heard they’re doing pretty well…

I think that’s enough for today. 

I have typed. You have read. It’s all upto you now. As Captain Pauper would say, “Ab shakti tumhare bas mein hain!”

Disclaimer: Reading this post is subject to a lot of risks other than market risks. Please read your crystal ball (hey not that!) carefully before investing.

[Kindly read the disclaimer really fast]