#7 Rolling of the Jabulani
The Jabulani (not to be confused with Jhangiani, Dadlani, Lalwani, Tarachandani, Thadani, Pandiani, Nani, Advani and other Sindhi surnames), was unveiled and met with widespread criticism from all goalkeepers.
Iker Casillas: Mi Dios! It’s got a mind of its own and it keeps on changing! It’s like a woman on the field!
Julio Cesar: Meu Deus! It keeps on rising like inflation! I can’t afford catching it!
David James: My God! It keeps on rising like John Terry’s …ambitions! Someone hide my wife!
Manuel Neuer: Mein Gott! Ze Jews made this ball! Somebody gas it!
Shaun Wright-Phillips: Thanks Adidas! I can now hold your balls responsible for my lack of talent! Notice the wordplay!
#6 It’s time for Africa
Thousands who thronged to watch the extravaganza from all around the world were a little shocked when they were introduced to the self-proclaimed cultural icon (since 2002) called the Vuvuzela. You might be deceived into thinking that it is an exotic tribal instrument, but is in fact a plastic pipe that violently molests your eardrums in under 5 seconds. So it’s no surprise that this little single-note-rhythm-deficient piece of plastic was regarded even more irritating than its human counterpart Diego Maradona.
FIFA was under tremendous pressure to call for a ban after receiving numerous complaints from fans, TV commentators and players alike about the alarmingly high decibel levels, the problems in communicating on the field and the traditional singing replaced with this migraine inducing drone.
FIFA president Sepp Blatter personally investigated the issue and after careful deliberation, issued this extremely diplomatic statement:
#5 Shame on you France (Part I)
You’ve got to hand it to Henry… it was the best hand-job ever. He single-handedly led France to a shameful victory into the World Cup, only to lead them to a shameful defeat out of it. Well done, Thierry Hand-ry.
#4 Shame on you France (Part II)
Anelka mistook the French team for Chelsea and tried to have his way with the coach. And his wife.
Fortunately, the return tickets were booked well in advance.
#3 The Italian Slob
Remember how they won the World Cup last time? This time, they came back to return it.
#2 England’s Bravehearts
The favourites at the start of any competition. The butt of all jokes by the end of it.
Disappointing performances from senior players like Lampard, Gerrard and Hesky (born 1978, 1980 and 5th century B.C. respectively) and young guns like Lennon (born 2008) meant that English newspapers could devote a page each for lampooning their failure, as described in the pictures below.
#1 Lionel what? Diego who?
Self-declared Gods of football viz. Lionel Messi and his father Diego Maradona tasted a full scoop of reality dipped in delicious humiliation sauce. All it took was a sharp German pin to pierce 4 gaping holes in the Argentine hot air balloon and bring it back down to Mother Earth.
Maradona later sold his condescension at a discount price.