FAQs

Excerpts from my interview with the CNN reporter, Pinky Chadda.

Who are you?
I am Adam. Prince of Eternia and keeper of the secrets of Castle Grayskull. This is Cringer,  my fearless friend. Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said,  “By the power of Grayskull…I have the Power!”
Cringer became the Mighty Battle Cat, and I became He-Man – the most powerful man in the universe. Only 3 others share this secret… Our friends: The Sorceress, Man-At-Arms and Orko. Together, we defend Castle Grayskull from the evil forces of Skeletor.

I HAVE THE POWER!

Oh come on now. Millions of people start their day by reading your extremely popular blog. Don’t you think they deserve to know a little about you?
Oh ok.

My name is ah, what does it matter. I’m not He-man. I’m just a normal man force-feeding myself the bland reality of life every day. I will vanish one day and this blog will serve as my tombstone.

Your academic qualifications?
I know how to write and read what I’ve written at the same time. Fuck yes!

Are you single?
If you see double, you should stop smoking things that random strangers have offered you.

What do you do for a living?
My career has had its highs and lows, twists and turns, upsides and downsides, but it’s been a delightful journey. I get to meet new people, explore new places and reach for the sky really.

I’m the driver of a roller coaster at a popular amusement park here in my city.

What is wrong with you?
There is no wrong, there is no right, the circle only has one side.

Why do you keep quoting random songs? Perhaps these are deep rooted manifestations of a disturbed childhood?
I’m not comfortable speaking about my childhood, but here’s a frank confession – I did have a disturbed childhood. An incident early on in my life left me emotionally scarred. Check out this video for details – the kid in the video is me. Watch carefully how my innocence was lost at such a tender age. I hope you got your answer.

Oh, sorry. Why don’t you go see a doctor or something?
Okay. I’m calling Doctor Jones. Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones, get up now, wake up now!

Ah yippie yi yu ah yippie yi yeah ah yippie yi yu ah.

What is the message you want to send across to your billion-strong fan base?
Please understand. Don’t waste your time always searching for those wasted years. Face up, make your stand and realize you’re living in the golden years.

Sigh. Do you ever stay on topic?
Did you know that people who play games on portable gaming consoles while driving are 20 times more likely to score lesser points than people who play the same games at work?

You really think this is funny? I think this is just juvenile, immature crap.
Thanks for that incisive review. As you have correctly pointed out, juvenile and immature crap is the point of this blog.

I feel that my juvenile immaturity stands out amidst all the maturity on the web. The Pakistani President’s personal blog, for instance.

“We are not involved in any terror activities.”
“Pakistan is a peace loving nation.”

Why can’t you be more responsible? Do you realize that your blog could offend a large section of the society?
Do you realize that the large section of the society could do a lot better than read my blog and take it seriously? Why can’t they be more responsible?

People have and will always find a way to offend themselves regardless of the situation or the age. Please pick yours.

Why do I get a feeling that you are nihilistic, caustic, sarcastic, sardonic, cynical and pessimistic?
Ah, adjectives. My prof from 9th grade told me that words ending in ‘tive’ are adjectives. I don’t find it to be true for the ones you’ve mentioned. How I would love to go back and tell him he was wrong, but unfortunately he’s dead.

What is the meaning of life?
1. It starts real slow – the acoustic guitar sets things up, the lead guitar kicks in, then the vocals lament the pointlessness of it all. 2 minutes pass. The vocals are significantly disturbed, the sound much more sinister… perhaps signalling the impending doom. In the final 2 minutes, the vocals bid goodbye and vanish into the background, leaving the lead guitar to say its final words. It wails, it struggles, it tries to make sense, it screams in anguish, but eventually gives up and fades to black.

2. A man facing a death sentence contemplates about his past in the final moments of his life. He is angry, sad, bitter, but above all apprehensive about the imminent turn of events. As he is taken to the gallows, he realizes that he had just lived an illusion, and he no longer needs to be afraid. The thought gives him the courage to walk out and face death not a mortal coward, but as an immortal soul whose name shall remain alive forever.

That’s the best I can think of.

Erm… everyone knows that this isn’t a real interview and you’re just talking to yourself here. How does that make you feel?
My loneliness is killing me, and I must confess I still believe that when you’re not with me I lose my mind. I request you to give me a sign and hit me one more time.

You’re a fucking retard.
That’s a statement, not a question.

23 responses to “FAQs

  1. I’m in your vicinity. Do you consider me?

  2. ok. dude. whatever.
    now listen, i’m considering putting up a link for your blog on my notes on fb. you game?

  3. princess leia

    Why do I get a feeling that you are nihilistic, caustic, sarcastic, sardonic, cynical and pessimistic?

    Coz you’re holding the wrong thesaurus my friend 😉

  4. princess leia

    the right thesaurus would sum it up to awesome 😉

  5. There is no wrong thesaurus, there is no right thesaurus. The thesaurus only has one word.

  6. hey man! crazy ass blog you got there!
    can you mail me your e-mail id. I need to talk to you about something

  7. Dear Editor,
    I would like to introduce myself as K.Ramalingam MBA (Finance) and CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER. I am the founder and Director of (company name deleted) Planners Pvt Ltd., Chennai. (A financial planning and wealth management company).

    I would like to contribute a few articles or interviews or contents related to personal finance for your website/blog which can really give a fresh and diversified experience to your audience. Already i have contributed around 20 articles related to personal finance in Rediff.com. Please click the links to read on those articles.

    9.11.10
    3 Simple Steps to Become RICHER by next Diwali
    (link deleted)

    28.10.10
    Protect your money, avoid this investment mistake
    (link deleted)

    [approximately 15,664 links deleted]

    19.10.10
    Simple steps to retire young and wealthy
    (link deleted)

    17.9.10
    All you wanted to know about company fixed deposits
    (link deleted)

    2.07.10
    A step-by-step guide to your first financial plan
    (link deleted)

    12.05.2010
    How to become a successful stock market investor
    (link deleted)

    12.04.2010
    How to choose the best portfolio management scheme
    (link deleted)

    Let us work on a long term association.
    Expecting your reply in this regard,

    Regards,
    Ramalingam K. MBA, CFP,
    Director,
    (company name deleted) Planners Pvt Ltd,
    Chennai-18, India
    (link deleted)
    M:09282116652

  8. Dear Mr. K. Ramalingam,

    I appreciate your humane gesture of leaving 18,533 links to the articles you’ve written about making obscene amounts of money in no time. I have gone through each one of them, and I must say that I have made so much money that the Reserve Bank of India have specially constructed a Scrooge-McDuck-style money vault for me to take a dip into. You would have to excuse me for deleting those links because I didn’t want others to make as much money as me, thereby depreciating the value of the assets I currently own only because of your articles.

    But as a thinking human, a question strikes me instantly, which I would be glad to get an answer to. Why sir, with an MBA, a CFP, a company and the evident brothel of financial articles to your name, why sir would you come to a deserted blog such as this and spam your links?

    Chennai can be a hot place; I suggest you dig into some of your carefully invested fixed deposits and retiral funds and go and settle down in Hawaii.

    Regards,
    Director of nothing,
    Nowhere.

  9. Amazing blog sachin ,love it ,
    I wanted to have a word with you personally ,please mail me your id .
    looking forward to hearing from you .

    Rohit

  10. chainedgypsies

    The fact that your identity still remains somewhat of a mystery, makes reading the blog even more special.
    I love the humor and have to admit that one would definitely label me crazy whilst they come across me reading your blog- cuz I’m laughing like I seldom have before.
    Wonderful talent you have there =)

  11. Thank you for the kind comment, it really means a lot to me!

  12. Stumbled on your blog yesterday, and have been reading like a boss ever since. I don’t feel so bad about my internet addiction anymore.

  13. yo dude…kaa karat ho re babua…jao jaakar humra tabela sambhaal…humari bhaisanya tohar alawa kisi aur se chaara naahi khaawat hoi be

  14. @Marina: thanks several metric tonnes for that comment. It felt like someone poured Bournvita straight into my self-confidence. Thanks again.

    @JT: Thanksba, long time hua tohar contayct hi nahi. Hum tohar bhains aur tohar dharampatni dono ko acchi tarah milk karat rahi. Any plans on coming back?

  15. That’s a very funny introduction of yourself 🙂

  16. you write very well !

  17. Dude you must have had your suspicions on your gaussian standing…
    you desire the rope closer cause your are a strand in it and at the same time you twist away ’cause its frayed and stupid …so you see, the harder you work at the tug, with more intense an emotion, the more precarious your balance gets with the rest of the rope….like rarer your gaussian standing farther from the center of the rope you are and less secured …and some times rope is used analogous to people/society.

    But ofcourse, please note that,
    except for the first line, the ‘you’/’your’ I used is only meant to mean universal entity not you…I mean I am only wondering in general, not pointing you out all along.
    I ain’t habituated to writing a lot of words in one place, so you see, what you take to my ‘bunch of words’ is probably not what I meant or meant you to take.
    I was kind of struck by an epiphany reading your ” A man facing a death sentence … remain alive forever”. I was only hoping I could give you something similar.
    Lastly, I wont use your space to write my ‘blogs’, so this is the last one. 🙂

    • That was startlingly introspective, especially on a Monday morning. I too had a similar epiphany when I wrote that.

      And I always appreciate comments, one-liners or ‘blogs’ both welcome. This space is meant for that.

  18. Where are you??? No blogs since so long!

    • Hi,

      I’m alive and well – with much more time to kill, but with less desire to do anything productive. Thanks for asking, maybe I’ll get around to blogging again soon!

  19. Glad to know you are still there 😉 but would be even delighted if we will get to read more posts from you! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s